Thursday, February 19, 2015

On life and death

I went to visit my uncle at the hospital today. He is brain dead and lies in bed, a vegetable. Alive, nevertheless. His family had the medics resuscitate him twice when his heart failed, not realizing that they were saving his body and not his mind. Perhaps death would have been a kinder option. I think it is against the law here to pull the plug on his life support. When we asked how long he will live, the doctor said he'll probably outlive us all. Is that living, though? He worked so hard all his life for his family, and it comes to naught. Was it worth it? Life is so short, every minute so precious. I have to do something meaningful with mine. I can't go back into the rat race and live just so I can pay my bills?! I looked into his unseeing eyes, trying hard to decipher if he's still in there, somewhere, trying to reach out to us. My mom stood next to me, crying in despair and sorrow. There has been so much sadness in her life.

A week ago I thought about this other question. Is it tougher to be divorced, or to live through the death of a spouse. I couldn't decide which would hurt more. Then I thought till my head hurt, and I decided I was an idiot to think that it mattered.

I hate to spend the first day of the New Year in such sorrow and pain. I'm heading out to the temple again to ask for deliverance, I have a lot of people to pray for.

And below, I share my favorite prayer:

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.

Oh divine Master, grant that I may not seek so much to be consoled as to console.
To be understood, as to understand
To be loved, as to love
For it is in giving that we receive
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
It is in dying that we are born into Eternal Life.

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